Old Leaf

You are one old leaf.

How do you like it, to be hidden between

the pages of this book?

Are you free?

Is your soul still inside of you Oh dry friable wise leaf?

Do you like it in here, when you probably could've been

dirt by now?

Maybe you really do like it in here, so you chose to stay.

But tell me, do you feel safe in your abode, 

resting in-between the pages of a book?

Do you fear the nothingness when no one touches this book

for months, or years? Uhh, or are you uncomfortable that I-

flipping through the pages your abode, spotted you and picked you up

and observantly examined each and every line of your vein under the lamp,

squinting my left eye?

You must've been a wise leaf, cause you sure did leave your

impression on the right page.

So tell me something, will you?

Do you not know who you are?

Are you content?

Does the silence treat you well?

Would you rather be up on a tree- a bright green summer leaf-

or are you happy that you were destined to be conserved this way inside a book?

Though, you look enlightened to me,

I'll put you back where you were,

for you are an old leaf indeed.

I think you've been here way too long now.

I sniffed you. You and all the other pages in the book smell alike.

Thank you existing. 

~ Kripa Sarkar

PS: sometimes, it is what it is; it's plainly beautiful in the way it is.

4:47 am

And when I turn to the other side in my sleep,

Extend my hands to touch the

sheets trying to feel you,

Looking for you sleeping next to me…

Alas soon realizing that it was only 

in my dream that we were snuggled up in our fleece blanket,

My heart crumbles! 

How this distance is squeezing out all the blood 

flowing through them like squeezing out water from a sponge…

leaving my heart pours and dry! 

Now all that’s left is my beaten soul…

waiting impatiently for a lifetime with you. 

I will wait as long as it takes,

To brush my fingers gently through your silky hair, 

counting the silver ones, 

and giggling and calling you old- claiming you're only mine,

and will be mine forever- until and after 

all of my teeth fall off and I get wrinkly old. 

I will wait even though it aches, 

To not be able to smell you when I’m afraid, 

When all I want is to be comforted in your arms, 

But your green hoodie has to do it for now. 

When all I want is every single day of this life with you, 

All the mundane everyday things, doing groceries and vacuuming floors,

Cooking dinner and doing the chores, 

And with you- I know it’s gonna be different, 

Cause baby, you and I, together we will create a home… 

I’ll get my chance to give you all the love and care you deserve, 

To make you realize that 

to live with you is worth dying a million times, 

That I more than just love you 

and we are so much more than mere lovers. 

You are my every breath, every pulse, 

and you are the pauses in between. 

I will wait as long as it takes, 

To feel your breath on my lips, 

To feel your fingers grab my waist, 

and pull me closer with a good night peck kiss, 

I won’t a need a blanket then, 

I’ll have my snuggle bear to keep me warm, 

And like the warm ocean water creeps up to my feet 

when taking a walk on the shore at night, 

I shall creep into your arms, till eternity to be yours.

~ Kripa Sarkar

Too many questions

Why do I feel so complete in this insignificance?

How is there ease in this indifference?

What is that invisible strength in continuance?

And somewhere, but where, is there power in interdependence?

Why is there hate in resistance?

Perhaps some love in the vengeance?

How is there more truth than lie in pretense?

Is there any value to my existence?

That's too many questions with answers

Welling up with awkward suspense.

Sadly or joyfully, this is what my mind does

In lonesomeness-

This is who I am, without your presence-

An ugly ensemble of questionnaire,

A silly soul so bizarre.

Yet how my heart floats when you are near,

Your smile absorbs the uncountable doubts I smear

All over myself, your words mutate my haze into crystal clear

Water- providing worth to my blankness- I overcome all fear!

Is it extreme to ask for a promise of more than a lifetime with you,

Knowing how tomorrow has a million things of which I am unsure?

Do you know I am your greatest admirer

who stares in awe no matter what you do?

How is it that to my insanity, you

And only you are the cure?

That's indeed too many questions to ask,

Yet how effortlessly all the answers lead to you,

Just like how we are meant to be,

You and me- through and through...

~ Kripa Sarkar

Warmth

 Something warm to hold onto

When it’s spring yet feels like 32

I wish right now, your warm hands were glued to mine 

Unfortunately, for now, it’s the P.O.D cappuccino that has to do. 

The bright and blaring sun is a sham,

My lips, nose tip, and fingers are numb,

The chill is making me feel smaller than I am,

Well, in reality, thinking I am something without you is dumb.

--

I envy the air that's kissing your breath

and brushing your skin, this very moment

Probably giving you a tickle as you go about your day,

I resent the puddle being splashed by your boots,

What good did it do be much near you,

to come about your way?

 It had to be me instead. 

Deep, under the layers, where my heart lies,

Every time it misses your warm touch, it dies,

I loath how emptiness fills me with life,

And, Yes I am guilty if 

Missing you is a crime.

I doubt that I shall feel hot this summer,

The sun's spitting heat is incapable of thawing 

My freezing soul.

It would melt into a vast ocean instantly,

If only the sun were to be you.

--

Someone warm to hold onto 

When it’s spring yet feels like 34

I'm pushing the sidewalk behind me with every step,

I don't want to do it on my own anymore.

Yet as I drift

I wonder if they notice the spark in my eyes,

When my mind is flooding with the thought of your smile,

And your gentle loving words that made me feel warm

For the first time

And I wonder if you can hear me 

Whisper, " I love you,"

All the way, across hundreds of miles. 

~ Kripa Sarkar

Unsent letter

Should I write a letter that

I shall never post?

A few words that

No doubt would not be enough

To explain to what extent I crave to experience

Boundlessness and you.

A letter I wish you’d read at night

When I will be asleep.

A letter with questions that you will

Answer in my dreams.

Am I even supposed to call it a letter?

Does that word even make any sense?

Does any of this make any sense at all?

Does it?

Huh?

I can’t keep asking questions to space,

It is as much full as it’s empty that

I can sense all my questions disappearing into nothingness.

Unreflective it is.

Unresponsive it is.

Yet it holds the answers to every question that’s ever been asked

And all the questions that will ever be?

But how shall I listen to what silence has to say?

Who would I send my letter to- if I will never know your address?

So I will never post my letter,

Just let it sit inside an envelope that way.

And I will keep it glued to my chest every night I sleep.

What if you were to come and read it secretly?

I must be awake when in my heart you will peek,

To bless me with all that I truly seek.

~ Kripa Sarkar

149 Days

 I’m not okay.

I need you.

I need you like my lungs need air

And like my heart needs to pump blood,

Like the rainbow needs color 

And the roots need earth.

I need you.

I need you like the sky needs the stars

And like airplanes need their empennage.

I need you like a clock needs time,

I need you like rain needs water,

I need you like poems need to rhyme,

I need you because you're all mine.

I need you like day needs light,

I need you darkness needs night

I need you like a novel needs words,

I need you for my head to rest on your shoulders.

I need you.

I need you 'cause your absence- it hurts

So to exist,

I need you...

today, tomorrow and forever.

~Kripa Sarkar

NO WORDS

How can I put it into words?

Those words don’t exist that can explain

What you mean to me

How you make me feel

What I pray everyday for you and I to be.

How I sink to the bottom of your ocean eyes so deep,

I am growing so much more,

Now that your love is on what I feed.

You are all I want and more of what I need,

You are the very air that I breathe,

You are my forest, my tree and my leaf,

To know you is knowing the universe effortlessly in its entirety.

How can I put it into words?

Those words I can’t find in world’s most ancient libraries

About how I begin from you and into you I cease,

How your smile transforms anarchic life at ease,

That when I look at you my eyes forget to blink

And my whole existence happens to freeze,

How I want you for my entire lifetime,

And all I ask is a promise to keep,

to be mine in all our other lifetimes please?

No words exist to express who you are to me,

Even though I offer you my all, I don’t have enough

To give to you- for you, my love

Are nature's finest,  most precious masterpiece…

How can I put it into words?

When words are but shapes and sounds ordered in a way

human brain's capable of comprehending into sense,

While your affection and warmth is what I know

To be divine grace to experience.

Blessed I am to be the one loved by you,

And thank God I don't have words to translate my feelings so true,

'cause it's man who invented words-

But God who created YOU.

~ Kripa Sarkar

 

Demise

I am lesser than what I think,

Plain water in blue ink,

Boundless sky that doesn’t turn pink,

Viscous blood that stinks,

Fragile life that shrinks,

A smooth rock that sinks…

But I am most of all

The crumbled pieces crimped 

Together after I scatter,

Losing a part of myself

Everytime I strive to gather.

Do I sound like myself when I talk?

Do I drift as if I am lost?

Do I hum like I can’t sing?

Why do I live a life that 

Passes by in a blink?

Yet I won’t live forever in disguise,

Although in their perception I am unwise,

I will unfold into a fragrant blossom of surprise,

For my identity only lies in the love I share

Ages past my own demise.

~ Kripa Sarkar 

12.31.23

Time takes huge bites of

Life like it’s a pie,

Leaving me with less to decide wrong from right,

But I hope god has forgiven me for all the lies

I’ve ever said.

And yet again it took the last day of the year,

For me to realize it has passed- 

Everything seems more or less fine,

Yet here I am, my fingers crossed-

Tomorrow may be a hundred times more uncertain

the risks a thousand times higher,

I wonder what will keep me going,

I wonder when all the question marks will retire.

And yet again when the world is absorbed

In posting on social media, their most 

aesthetically presentable bits of this year,

I sit on my bed with my eyes shut,

Rethinking the moments that round lens

Missed to capture-

It feels satisfying to rewind,

An embrace of reassurance to the future

To which I am blind,

A comforting pat on the back

To the life I’m blessed to call mine.

Accompanied with a shiver of registering 

How a 365 day chunk is completed in my life.

~ Kripa Sarkar