I know

I don't know what to say.

It's like I'm choking with 

so much chatter that's here to stay.

I don't know what to say.

I am speechless, watching you 

be so brave.

My chest starts throbbing

by the thought of what

you did to build yourself.

Oh, what you did every day

without asking for help!

My tears roll down unruly

when I look at that picture

your sister posted on her story,

I don't know why.

I will never know why.

I don't know if it's my happy cry,

because I see you smiling in it.

I don't know if it's the feeling of 

a searching "why?" 

because I am trying to look

for you behind your smiling face.

Maybe I am overthinking.

Maybe I am missing something.

Maybe I am crying because I wish

I could be there with you.

Maybe I want to go back in time 

and tweak a thing or two,

just to reassure myself that 

your face was never sad,

that your heart was never hurt,

that the word "bad"? you'd never felt that.

Maybe because I am selfish

I cry,

to find something familiar

lost in the loop of time.

Maybe there was not a moment 

when you weren’t mine.

Maybe I’m right,

We’ve met in our past lives.

Swimming in this infinitely deep 

ocean of life with my eyes closed 

I feel your hand gripping 

mine again, over and over again.

You make it too easy to forget 

That you are the moon,

And I, the murky reflection 

you chose everyday to embrace.

I think I know now.

~

Noni